(45)

I can feel it all. The same feelings. The nostalgia for it, but also something else… the feeling. The feeling that never truly left. The wonder, the hope, the excitement, they want us to think we stop feeling this as adults.

But we don’t. We never stop feeling it. Only the faux guilt we are served distracts us from the truth.

It’s all outside this room. I can breathe it coming in from my open window, just like I always have since I was that young reckless teen running around seeking out those same adventures.

There is peace here. There is love here. There is wonder here.

And there it is out there, in the beauty of nature. In those hiking paths. In the walks to those old castles. In the waters of Europe. In the alleys of her most ancient cities. In the hills and the valleys. In the bluest waters, in my daydreams. In my love. In the Good I have found within myself, and wish to find in my belonging.

So that perhaps I will not feel lonely again.

I made my mistakes. I learned. I saw that which I want to see in every corner of the world, and what I wished to never see again.

I lived every narrative in this place.

I have come to know myself.

Isn’t it time I come to know more of my world, the places that, at the very least in my daydreams, are calling my name?

(44)

How unfair, how sad must the situation be? Are we that cynical, made so distrusting of each other? That nothing is sacred, that anything good must be a trick?

(43)

My only wish is for people to free themselves of ideologies and group mentalities and to live as individuals, and to see others as the same.

All ideologies, religions and group thinks have lessons to teach, messages to consider, but become ultimately flawed when taken as absolutes or used to create a bias against another individual. Especially when based on a quality they might coincidentally represent in the persons mind.

At that point division occurs, and turmoil’s seeds are sown. You are not skin, you are not your home, not your religion, not men or women, you are not this and you are not that. You are a human. So are the rest. The blame is not external. The anger is not external. The fury is not external. It lives within you and you alone.

Hatred for something that doesn’t exist beyond the imagination, usually of one persons negative emotion, some idea that floats aimlessly and latches onto you, similar to a parasite; feeding off of zealous righteousness, off of cruelty for another, turning a someone in a ‘them’, thus stripping someone of their person-hood. Hatred within the imagination that becomes anguish in external reality.

Is it worth it? Do you see the merit in creating a ‘them’ ? Do you not see what it is already doing?

To someone else, you are a ‘them’. An entity without a self, you are flayed and made to feel worthless, should you dare ever look, for nothing but the self-righteousness of the fury of nothing, fury with ones self looking for a scapegoat.

Individuals see other individuals. See who they are, and make up their minds there.

The cycle continues.

(42)

Where many go wrong, is that they think all beauty equates to sex. Not necessarily. Things are far more mysterious than that. I know yours, your vision, is a sun drapen festival of the celebration of life, and all are at peace and almost celestial. Yes, you have been a herald to beauty. Something pure, that you mistook in your youth into feeding your greedier desires, that you mistook for sex. Beauty does not equate to that, to love and lust, not always, and you have to understand the difference. Your love is waiting out there. And so is that vision. Existing without greed, and for the rest of your life.

(41)

No matter where you look, the relationship between light and darkness is described as a battle, but thoughts turn into actions and actions create the reality that brings that thought into existence. Perhaps the relationship between darkness and light is non-existent, and it is our thoughts that dictate how they behave.

Imagine that darkness and light are puppets. They’re both genderless and have no like or no dislike for each other. They share the same space, and they create whether we like it or not. They are around us, and they control us on the macro scale, but on the micro scale we unknowingly dictate them.

They’re one form that needs to be understood, so “they” are “it”.

(40)

It is all about moments, and ours is coming.

It is the one they talk about for years after, the one that culture imitates and tries to recreate over and over again for years to come. Our generation is about to see it, and the older ones are going to see it again.

It is the unification of acceptance in each of us, the willing to the good, and the breath of bliss. The plateau of bliss, of harmony and togetherness. No matter how the external forces of our world try to rob us of this, for fear is its currency in its conflict separate from ourselves, and eventually it will seperate from them as well.

A humanity celebrating its differences, for they all enamor one another should its people let them, and looking to the sky. For what is the source of man’s one and only true conflict he has with his existence, that in his confusion he takes out on his fellow man under varying guises of righteousness? The Unknown.

How the dark in its jealousy continues to interrupt the encompassing light, and yet still it is enveloped in the end. From the beginning, in the Big Bang, in their very first meeting, when they met, and the whole universe exploded into being.

(39)

Trust me when I say that a love bred out of convenience, a love that blossoms from the need to sleep beside someone, a love that caters to our need for attention rather than passion, is a love that will not inspire you at 6am when you roll over and embrace it.